It’s no secret that I have been facing some challenges with a
co-worker, and from the very beginning, I knew that this was a situation that
belonged to God. I knew that this
particular challenge was coming straight from the enemy. I was constantly being attacked and slandered;
my good name was being dragged through the mud for no apparent reason, at least
no reason that was apparent to me. But there is always a reason is there, even
if we don’t know what it is. Although
most times the reasons that people choose to target another person for acts
like bullying, harmful rumors and lies or unsolicited schemes and attacks,
usually goes back a lot further than before the targets of their attacks ever
showed up on the scene. But in this case
let’s just say the perpetrator was angry with herself, but decided it would be
much easier to take it out on me than to face up to her own demons. And as a result she has been trying to do as
much harm to me as possible, as often as
she possibly could in order to take her mind off of her disappointment in herself
and to keep busy by creating an imaginary enemy, which in her mind, I guess
would be me.
But as I stated previously, from the beginning
of the whole situation, I decided that I would have to let God handle it,
because if I start to handle it my way, it would be an uglier situation than it
already was and would not turn out well at all.
I also knew that although I had been experiencing some challenges where I
was presently, that I was still in exactly the right place, the place where God
wanted me to be. I believe that God had
put me here in order to help me to mature and develop some areas of weakness in
my character. I know for sure that I’ve
got some issues with impatience, controlling my emotions and letting go of
being reliant on only myself for solutions to my problems and not seeking God’s
counsel. But with each passing day God has proven to me
over and over again, that He is in control. Every step that I have taken since God placed
me there has been covered with protection,
and unexplainable favor, including how I got there in there first place.
And with each victory I would praise God and
become more and more assured with confidence in our relationship and my trust
in Him. I also grew stronger in my faith,
love and more intimately connected to Him as well.
But one thing I’ve also begun to realize during this time is how angry
and uncomfortable this made The Enemy. I
believe that he got a sense that he was losing this battle because he started
to pull out his big guns against me.
I’ve heard it said that you should never let yourself get too hungry,
tired, too lonely or stressed out because you are at most vulnerable to attacks
by the enemy at these times. And as for
women, we might also want to add, watch out for those times when you are
feeling hormonal. Because I know for
sure that there was one day last week, at exactly the right moment when I was
suffering from all of those things. I believe what Peter says in scripture; (1 Peter 5:8) “Stay
alert, watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He is like a roaring lion
looking for someone to devour.” I
know this to be true first hand because I believe that at exactly the right
time he employed my co-worker to send an email to me and my boss that hit
exactly the right nerve, and I had an explosive knee jerk reaction. I wish I could say that it was only that one
slip of the tongue and pen (in email form to my boss and the owners of the
company), but sadly, it was not.
The incident that I speak of happened on a Thursday, but I went on and
on, over and over it Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Not only did I snap at my family, but I incessantly
yammered on about the event, and replayed the scenario over and over again for
all of my friends, in blow by blow detail.
I was like one of those crazy women that you see on the subway talking
to themselves. I drove everyone I came
into contact with totally crazy. I
talked about my situation over dinner with friends, I talked about it at the
movies, I talked about it while watching TV, clearly I was a woman
obsessed. Thank goodness, it wasn’t long before I
realized it and not a moment too soon, because by then I couldn’t stand to hear
my own voice, I couldn’t even stand to be around myself anymore, I was even
driving myself crazy. I was also
starting to feel this enormous sense of burden that weighed down my entire
spirit, the more I thought about it the angrier I got, and the angrier I got, the more I stressed
and obsessed over it. It was at this
point that I knew that I needed to spend some serious alone time with God.
So first thing Sunday morning that is exactly what I did. The only problem was that I didn’t really get
to have the quality time that I needed to hear from God and to get some sense
of resolution about the situation. And as
a result I went to work the next day feeling that this dark, heavy cloud of
negativity and pessimism was hanging over my head and following me around. I’m sure that everyone I came into contact
with must have felt it as well, because my productivity that day was the lowest
it’s ever been, my whole day totally sucked.
I worked harder than I ever have on this job, with absolutely nothing to
show for it.
Again I was feeling angry, tired, stressed and disappointed, and as I
said previously, you know who was watching and waiting for just the right
moment to pounce. And pounce he did, I
was sucker punched by another incident initiated by my coworker’s little helper,
and yet again, I had another knee jerk reaction. You would think that I would have learned my
lesson, but apparently I didn’t because I sent out another bone headed angry, crazy lady email
that sent my boss and the owners of the company into a frenzy. It also made me look paranoid and totally incredible.
It was at this moment, but only after my boss reamed me and sliced me apart
that I realized that I had just been played by the enemy like a fiddle. It was also at this moment that I had finally
gotten tired of being played like “Boo-Boo La Foo” (A.K.A an idiot). I was tired of being a victim of his schemes
and reacting exactly the way he wanted me to, I was tired of feeling like a
casualty of war, oh no it was on now.
Somehow it clicked; I finally realized that I was at war. And I may have lost the last few battles, but
now that I knew better, and with God on my side, I would not lose the war. Again,
just like it says in scripture; “For we are not
fighting against flesh-and-blood
enemies, but against evil ... Because your fight has not been with flesh and
blood, but with Principalities…”
(Ephesians 6:12). So I
also realized that I was going to have to fight fire with fire, I knew that I was going to have to shut out the
world and spend some serious one on one time with God, just He and I.
So I prayed about it, read the
word, mediated on it, and asked for guidance to help me figure out how I got
off on the wrong path. And the more I
searched scripture and the more I prayed and listened, I kept getting the same
answer, basically to summarize it, it went something like this, “Well you
started off on the right track, you said that no matter what you were going to
trust me to fight your battles for you this time. You said that since it was Me, God that put
you here in this place, and you being an all knowing God, must have known that
all these things would occur, and still you wanted me here in this place, that
you obviously had a plan to get me through it.” But then you let your emotions control
you and push you into doing things that I had nothing to do with. You picked up
your own weapons and started fighting your own battle. But remember, the battle
is not yours, it’s mine! The weapons that you are using are insufficient for
this fight. Compared to the weapons I will
use, it’s like you have brought a butter knife to a gun fight. SO PUT DOWN YOUR SCRAWNLY LITTLE BUTTER KNIFE AND
GET OUT OF MY WAY.” I heard the Holy
Spirit say to me.
No matter how large my weapons may be, they are small and insignificant
in comparison to any weapon that God might possess in His arsenal to fight my
battles. Now I knew that I needed to
place my minuscule weapons on the ground and get behind God like a shield, and
let Him pick up where He left off when I was letting Him fight my battle for
me. Basically, all I really needed to do
was to just get out of His way so that He could do His thing, He never needed
my help.
I woke up the next morning with
a sense of peace and surrender about this situation that I hadn’t felt
previously. And wouldn’t you know it, I
went to work that day and ran across those same coworkers, and of course, they
were up to their same old petty tricks.
But amazingly, I wasn’t angry or upset with them, I didn’t feel any
anger or animosity towards them at all, it was weird, like I was just meeting
them for the first time, like we had no past between us at all. I was truly filled with a peace that passed
all understanding. They had not changed; they were still the same
old characters that they were before.
But this time their plans didn’t work against me because I was
different. I had reconnected to my place
of peace, and let me tell you that there is phenomenal power in peace. But I was also cognizant of what I was
dealing with, I recognized that my coworkers were not really my opponents, the
Enemy was. I also now knew what weapons I needed to fight
this war I was in. I finally understood
that my strongest weapon would be to keep my eyes forward on my goals in front
of me, to keep my peace, stay in control of my emotions and look upward to God,
knowing that He is still in control and even though I may not be able to see
it, I know that He is fighting my battles for me even as I write this.
