POWER HIDDEN IN PAINFUL PLACES

 

I’ve always been an early riser, I am at my best before 10 am, my mind and senses just seem to be sharpest early in the morning, when most people are still sound asleep.  Somehow, as by instinct I’ve just always known that if there was anything that required a large amount of concentration or energy for me, it was imperative that I schedule it early in the morning.  I guess I would be what you would call a “morning person”.  A rare type indeed, most people seem to prefer sleeping in as late as possible and people like myself, who wake up bright eyed and busy tailed seem to only irritate them further by reminding them that eventually that will have no choice but to break their beauty sleep, get up and join the rest of the world. I prefer to attack the world before it attacks me; most times I’m up even before my alarm clock, checking it several times during the night, just to make sure that it’s still working. Even at 4:30 am, which is my normal rising hour, I open my eyes, I bubbling over with exuberance and energy, this is the time of day I am most optimistic, and productive.

 Up until about a year ago I never really understood why I loved the morning hours so much, although I did realize the peace and the tranquility I felt at this time of day, when the noise of the world seem to shut down a bit, allowed me to think more clearly, and to hear from God with a higher degree of clarity.  This has been the case for me, for as long as I can remember, so it was no surprise to me when one morning as I was working out at the gym, I happened to tune into this one program called Life Today. As spiritual and inspirational shows go, I am pretty discerning, some of them are as bad as the secular shows on TV, but I like this particular program because one of its primary missions is to raise money for various types of causes, and not just here locally in the United States.  The founders of this program are also sensitive to the needs of our international brothers and sisters, but what I love most is that they actively hearken to their call.  They don’t just pray for them,  although prayer is a large part of their ministry; but by consistently send mission teams, financial aid and resources to help those in need. For me they have brought the passage of scripture to life that says; “Be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, (James 1:22).   I love the fact that they literally put their money where their mouths are.

On this particular morning, the show was dedicated to the victims of the sex trafficking industry, the images of these innocent women and children, both boys and girls of all ages, starting as young as, three years old, being tortured, beaten, starved and drugged against their will on a regular basis, instantly began to break my heart.  But if it weren’t enough that they were caged and chained in a filthy, smelly environment 24 hours a day, 7 days a week like animals, these helpless individuals are forced to engage in unclean, unsafe and unprotected sex, sometimes in excess of 20 times a day, with total strangers. 

Sadly, the prisoners of sex camps are used and abused until their frail bodies and spirits have been broken down and depleted of all health, strength and hope.  If for any reason at all, they are unwilling or unable to service customers, it is seen as an act of defiance by their captors.  Whether the incompliance is a willful act of disobedience or is because they have to become too sick or weak to physically perform the demands placed upon them.  These poor souls are often rendered incapacitated in many cases due to the contraction of a STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease) that has gone unattended or some other illness that may result from the constant abuse, neglect a deplorable living conditions that they are forced to endure.  They are not seen as people but as a commodity, like cattle, to be bought and sold at will, although cattle seem to be given higher regard and value than they are.  But like cattle, when they are no longer useful they are callously slaughtered and discarded as waste.

After watching this program for only a few minutes I could feel knots begin to form in my stomach, a lump began growing in my throat and tears starting to well up in my eyes. And even though I was the only one in the gym at the time, I said to myself, “Stop, you can’t cry, not out in the open in a public place”.  So in order to avoid this public display, almost as a reflex, I reached to change the channel.  I figured if I stopped watching the program, the discomfort that I was feeling inside would also go away as well.  And if for no other reason, I wanted to annihilate the stabbing pangs of sympathy that were starting to build inside of my gut for these helplessly exploited women and children on the TV screen in front of me.

I also wanted to avoid the tremendous guilt that came upon me as I watched them living the real life version of what could only be described as hell.   Although the events I was witnessing were happening thousands of miles away, on an island half way around the world, it could’ve just as easily been happening right next door to me.  This could easily have been me, or God forbid, my own precious daughter, my sister, best friend or any other random woman or child that you or I may know for that matter.  Day after day living in terror, literally chained up and forced to live in sub-human conditions, probably wondering if they will make it through and live to see the next day, but only to repeat the entire horrific cycle again.

If you think that this problem is too far away to warrant concern, all you have to do is turn on the evening news, surf the internet or pick up a magazine and you will find story after story about women and children who have no voice, seen merely as property to turn a dime.  It’s not very hard to find stories like these, right even in our own backyards.  In fact I believe that it’s much harder to avoid being exposed to these types of stories than it is to find them.  Trust me, I know because I worked very hard at ignoring stories like these for years.  In order to maintain my  false sense of security,  I would tell myself that things like that only happened in remote  third world countries, what they did was none of my business or none of my concern and that we should take care of home first.  This was the excuse that I used to ease my guilty conscience, because in my heart I knew that I didn’t believe that at all.  Although I haven’t always had the courage to live a life that demonstrated my convictions, in my heart, I’ve always believed that we all are truly our brother’s keeper.  And that when a situation arises where someone is being wrongly persecuted, bullied or abused,  the person that stands  silently by watching, doing nothing in the face of that injustice, is just as responsible as the person who has initiated it.  

For me, stories like these were proof positive that evil influence “The Enemy” still has over this world, but for me, it also represents the all too painful reminders of similar experiences from my own past. Experiences that I chose to forget about and securely lock away.  While growing up and even in my adult life, there were so many times that I came dangerously close to being raped or molested, but miraculously something or someone always intervened on my behalf and stopped it from occurring.  Unfortunately, this was and is not the case for so many of my friends, and girls that I’ve encountered over the years, nor has it been the case for the defenseless victims that I saw on the program that morning.   For so many other countless women and children, both worldwide and here in our own country, cities, neighborhoods, schools, churches and homes, there was no white knight riding in on a horse to rescue them.  Despite their cries for help, no one came and nothing happed to intervene to prevent tragedy from occurring in their lives.  And every once in a while, when I was still, quiet and alone,  I would give myself permission to dig up my own painful memories and analyze the meaning behind circumstances such as these, and inevitably, I would always wind up asking myself this same question, why?  Why was I so lucky, why did I always come so close to danger only to escape? And for that matter, why was I so blessed to be born here in a country where women had value, equality, rights and a voice?  I know that I could’ve just as easy have been born in some impoverished country, living in a hut, starving and wondering where my and children’s next meal was coming from.  Or I could be forced by my husband or father to sell my body in order to help support and feed the family.  Honestly, the weight  from the guilt that I felt when I thought of my life and the seemingly unworthy blessings that God had bestowed upon me, was too much for me to bear, so I kept my feelings locked away, running, ducking and hiding from anything or anyone that reminded me of them.

 And now here it was again, another program about the very issues that had been secretly breaking my heart, issues that I had been trying to avoid confronting for most of my life.

 But for some reason this day was different, although I felt the same impulse to turn the channel, run away and avoid feeling the anxiety and pain that I knew would ultimately arise if I continued to watch, in spite of my fear, I watched it anyway.  But to my surprise as I continued to watch, my pain and sympathy briefly transformed into confusion, quickly followed by anger. So in my anger, I asked God, “Why was I spared this horrible fate and so many of my friends, family and others were not?” “Why did you allow this to happen to them, you could have prevented this from happening to them, just the same as you prevented those things from happening to me?”   The more I thought about it the more enraged I became, and finally I said aloud, “Lord why don’t  you do something?”  And loudly and clearly He answered me, not audibly of course, but there was no mistaking His answer, I heard it deep and loudly down in my spirit, He simply replied, “Why don’t YOU do something?”

And immediately with those five words, it hit me, I had an epiphany.  I now had the answer to all the questions that I had asked myself for so many years.  I finally understood why I was spared and kept safe from the clutches of destruction; it all happened the way it was supposed to, for a purpose, for God’s purpose.

  God rescued me so that I might become a rescuer.  By sparing my life from peril God was giving me the opportunity to return the favor that He had shown to me in rescuing me from danger all of those times.   God allowed me to come just close enough to peril in my past,  so that I might feel a strong kinship to the feelings of fear, pain and degradation that the victims of rape, abuse and sex trafficking feel every minute of every day.  My personal experiences had created a place of pain inside of me that allowed me to a feel an intense sense of sympathy for this certain group of people, which ultimately connected me to my true calling and God’s intended purpose for my life.  He intended this injustice to affect my heart so passionately, so that when I saw it, I would be unable to remain silent, to shut my eyes or turn away in cold apathy.  

 But I believe that when God said, “Why don’t YOU do something”, He wasn’t just talking to me.  He was talking to me about all of us, all of the people that God has spared from anything; if God has ever spared you from anything, or performed a miracle on your behalf,  He did it for a purpose.  For anyone that has been spared from rape, murder, a car accident, an illness, being fired or even from being punished for a crime that you may or may have not committed, God spared you for a purpose.

  In the Bible He performed some of the most legendary miracles on behalf of the Israelites when He freed them from slavery at the hands of the Egyptians. But He did it all for a purpose;  In scripture, He said that He spared the Israelites so that they could be free to worship Him.  God is a God of purpose; there is nothing that He does or creates without a purpose, including each of us.  We were all fashioned and placed where we are and given certain gifts and talents to fulfill a specific calling on our lives.  We were born in exactly the right place, we were given exactly the right parents and had exactly the right types of experiences needed to become the people that God made us to be.  Both our good and bad experiences form us into the people that we were meant to be, no matter how painful they may have been.

Initially, I didn’t know what I could contribute to a problem of such magnitude, I must admit that I was intimidated when I learned that everyday minute of every day; two victims are sex trafficked and 2880 people are dragged into the sex slave trade against their will.  I felt small in the face of such a seemingly insurmountable problem.    According to those statistics, slavery is still very much alive and well, even in the 21^st century, right here in the United States.  Actually, according to Weave Inc. an agency dedicated to preventing violence against women, the United States is one of the top three destination points for trafficked victims.  With states like California, New York, Texas, Nevada and even North Carolina as one of the top destination states within the country. 

These facts were so alarming to me that I felt overwhelmed and I didn’t know what I had to offer, of course I could contribute money to the cause and I was happy to do that. But I felt strongly that God wanted me to do more than to just throw money at is cause and then turn away.  I knew that there must be something else God wanted me to contribute, but what did I have to offer?  So I went over the inventory of the talents He had entrusted me with and the first thing that came to mind was simply to write and inform others about it.  I wanted to share my passion about this terrible crime with others because through helping others, I’ve learned that I am in turn helping myself in the healing process.

 I’m not writing this from the prospective of having all of the answers, or any of the answers for that matter.  In fact I am writing this for the completely opposite reason, because we need more answers and more assistance.  All I know for sure is that this is an evil injustice that needs to be abolished,  I more than anyone, understand that this is a crime so horrible and unspeakable that it makes the average person uncomfortable just to talk about it.  I guess that’s why you don’t see beautiful celebrities doing commercials about it; this is a topic that we have all been guilty of shoving under the rug for way too long.  I believe the lack of exposure is one of the main reasons that this problem has grown so quickly and become so wide spread; like a fungus it grows fastest in dark places and the only way to kill this fungus is expose it to the light.  A solution can finally begin when we all come together and speak out about the injustices we see and then boldly act against them.

My entire life I had always felt so empty and unfulfilled, constantly searching for something or someone to fill the empty feeling I had down inside of me.  If only I had known that all of those years I spent running from my pain were unnecessary, because in running away from my pain, I was also running away from my passion and from my destiny.  Who knew that all of this time the solution that I was seeking to feeling fulfillment, and to finding my strength, power and my purpose was locked away in the most unlikely of places; in the deep, dark crevices of my most painful places.

PEOPLE WHO FIT-DON'T SEEK!

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”- MATTHEW 7:7 and ISAIAH 8:11-The Lord has given me a strong warning not to think like everyone else does.”

Yesterday I heard a phrase that was confirmation of an answer to a question that I asked God a few months ago.  T. D Jakes said, “People who fit, don’t seek.”  When I heard that, it was like a light went on in my head.  For me this quote from Bishop Jakes served as confirmation to a question that I’ve asked of God over and over again, in my life.

 Ever since I was a little girl I’ve always felt different.  I’ve never really fit into any group very well; I’ve always felt like the odd man out.  Even in my own family I stood out as the black sheep, my father used to describe me as the weird or the strange one.  I like to think of myself as artsy or special, luckily I decided early on to embrace my differences, to become a leader and not a follower.  I decided not to blend on purpose; as a teenager I refused to buy clothes from the stores that the other girls were shopping at.  I chose instead to make my own or went to shop at a second hand store, or I just altered the clothes that I bought so that they were one of kind, to ensure that I wouldn’t see anyone else wearing them.  I also chose to express my individuality in other ways.  I’ve always love to write and in high school I started an underground newspaper and wrote about issues happening in our school that disturbed me.  I went to a conservative, private school and I knew that if the authorities ever found out who was responsible for writing and distributing the “contraband” as they called it, they would be immediately expelled.  But I and the other writers chose to continue writing and expressing our thoughts regardless of the circumstances.  There were lots of students who knew who we were and saw us as weird and different, and they treated us as such.  We weren’t exactly popular, and it didn’t always feel good being different from everyone around us.  

Even as an adult I never did fit in very well anyplace, up until recently, probably the last 5 years of my life I would say, I struggled to find a comfortable place to settle down.   It seemed like I would find a group of friends, and connect to people I thought would be in my life forever, and something would happen and slowly, for one reason or another, we would all go our separate ways.  Someone would move away, or have another baby and not have the time to put into the relationship like they did in the past or we would simply outgrow each other and move on with our lives.  That was always hardest for me to accept, I didn’t understand why the people I had grown to love and depend on had to leave my life, why I couldn’t seem to develop a sense of permanence in my friendships.  I did have, and still do have friends in my life that I’ve had for many years, some have been around since I was a little girl.  But we don’t stay in touch on a regular basis like we once did; as a result we have drifted emotionally away from one another. 

And my career path has been a roller coaster ride, and that would be saying the least.  Finding a job that suited my somewhat quirky personality hasn’t been easy at all.  I would get into a job and I would either not fit well into a certain group, the boss and I didn’t exactly see eye to eye, the hours didn’t work for my family structure, the pay wasn’t what I needed for my budget, or perhaps I was just not right to perform the basic duties of the job itself.  And then there were times when I loved the job and felt perfect for it.  I loved everything about it, I finally felt like I had arrived, this was it, I could finally kick back and settle down.  And then, something would happen, the company would move to Alaska, or close down or my favorite reason of all, they would have to downsize. 

But whatever the case, after reviewing the circumstances of my life whether it was in my personal with my relationships, my career, or even the places that I’ve lived in.  I couldn’t even live in one place very long when something would occur where I had to pick up my kids and our entire lives and move once again.  My children always said that moving “again” was the one thing they were hated the most about their childhood.  It seems as though I’ve spent my whole life constantly searching for something else, something better, something bigger than the life that I was living.  I didn’t even know exactly what that was, or what path I needed to be on to find it. But for some reason, I’ve always felt way deep down in my spirit, in my soul that there was a life that was bigger and better, a life that I was meant to be living, but was not.   And I was always in hot pursuit of the answers, the solution to how I was going to find the path to living that life.  But the one thing that I knew for sure was that I could find the answers that I was looking for by going to God. 

Recently, I found myself in the throes of ending a relationship with someone that I had grown close to, while simultaneously being put in the all too familiar circumstance of having to leave a job due to budget cuts.  I thought this person would be in my life forever and I also thought that I would be working on this particular job for many years, but lost it after only being there for 3  short months.  Needless to say, I was feeling frustrated and confused, so I went to my source, who for me is God, and I asked him this question, “Why is it that I can never get to a place, a job, a relationship and just get settled?  Why can’t I ever just get to a place where I feel like I’m finally there, where I feel comfortable, the place where I fit in?”  And almost immediately God answered me.  He said, “I don’t want you to settle, because you are not there yet.”  

Settle for me in my mind meant a place of comfort. But I believe that God was saying he didn’t want me to settle; to conclude my journey, to take up a place of permanent residency, to resolve my life definetly and conclusively because I had not yet accomplished what He has put me here to do.  And He doesn’t want any of us to stop, to fall short or settle for anything less than his intended purpose for our lives.  He wants the best for us, and if we stop pursuing our goals and dreams too quickly and settle, we will never experience the best for our lives. 

I’m not saying that we are not supposed to be grateful, and thankful for the gifts and blessings that God has given us.  The bible says that we should praise God and be thankful in ALL things.  Paul also said that He has learned to be content in ALL situations, whether he had money or not, in jail or free.”   No matter what our level of blessings we should be thankful and we should strive to hold on to our peace no matter what our outward circumstances look like.  But I don’t believe that means that we are supposed to become complacent and stop searching, seeking and trying to improve our lives and the lives of those around us. 

God has put down on the inside of us; the seekers; those of us who possess this insatiable craving for something better.  This feeling is not always easy or comfortable to live with; it comes with lots of headaches and many sleepless nights.  But without it we wouldn’t have the inventors, the artist, the scholars, the writers or the visionaries who have contributed so much to our world simply by asking, “What if I could make or do this better?”  I believe that when Bishop Jakes said, “Those who fit, don’t seek,” he was simply saying this. When we are satisfied with the status quoi or we fit in perfectly with the world or the community around us, there is nothing that urges us to seek something better.    There are two particular quotes from scripture that come to mind for me; “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”- MATTHEW 7:7 and ISAIAH 8:11-The Lord has given me a strong warning not to think like everyone else does.”

 I find peace in understanding that God places people in our lives for a reason or a season.  And that every job that I’ve had in the past and even the one that I have now, is not “The Place”, it’s simply a vehicle to “The Place”.  God uses every single situation in our lives for us to develop a skill or have certain experiences that we will later use as tools when we finally do arrive at “The Place” in our lives.  Today I no longer look at being different and this feeling of never being settled as a negative thing. I finally understand that  God has strategically placed this persistent passion inside of me  with the intentions of moving me forward and helping me to accomplish my purpose, and to me I no longer see it as a curse, I see it as an honor and a blessing.

PUSH THROUGH THE PAIN AND DELIVER!

-GALATIANS 6:9

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”

I realized for the first time today, that even though I am the biological mother of two beautiful children, I have never actually experienced the pain of child birth.  Both of my pregnancies were difficult, in that I pretty much had nine months of morning sickness, and I also had Toxemia when I was pregnant with my son and Gestational Diabetes when I was pregnant with my daughter.  My son was also close to 11lbs and I am a pretty petite woman, only 5ft. tall, which made it impossible for me to deliver him naturally.  I wasn’t that radiant, glowing, beautiful pregnant woman that people are always talking about.  I was miserable, sick and cranky for the entire nine months of both of my pregnancies.  I just figured God was being merciful to me because of my awful pregnancies and cut me a little slack by allowing me to deliver my babies through Cesarean Section.

I’ve always been thankful to have missed out on that whole painful experience, the idea of pushing something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a walnut was terrifying to me.   But I’m starting to realize that in missing out on that experience, I also missed out on the opportunity to know what it feels like to push through the pain of bringing something into the world that you had been nurturing and growing inside of you for an extended period of time. 

One of the things that people who are closest to me often joke about is the fact that I’ve had soooo many different type of jobs.  They would always say that if there’s a job out there that you’re interested in, ask Cherie because she’s probably done it.  I’m not sensitive about it, I can’t be, because it’s true.  In my life I’ve been extremely blessed to have a lot of different jobs, careers and business ventures. I’ve always had a wide variety of interest and I wanted to experience them all.  I don’t regret any of them, because I always say that when you figure out what you don’t want, it takes that much closer to figuring out what you do want.  Also I never want to say that I wasn’t open or too afraid to try new or different things. 

But over the last few years looking back on all of the opportunities that God has given me, I can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if I would’ve stuck with some of them longer and pushed through the discomfort when things became difficult or painful.  I realize looking back on my life that historically when things got to be hard for me or took me out of my comfort zone, I would simply quit and move on to the next thing.  If I were working a job and the boss was making my life hard I would just quit, and find another job, not always necessarily in that order.  Even in the case where I myself was the business owner,  if things got to be a little hairy and funding started to run a little scarce or if I had employee problems for example;  I couldn’t actually quit, but I sold my business and went in another direction, which essentially was the same thing.  My point being, I wonder sometimes what would’ve happened and I wish that I knew what the result would’ve been if I had kept on moving forward, pushed through the labor pains long enough to see how God could’ve worked things out for me.  Over the past few years I would often find myself reminiscing with curiosity, thinking about what miracles God might have performed on my behalf to help me deliver my blessing into fruition, if I had only endured and pushed through the pain.

But you know what “they” say; watch what you wish for, because right now, God in his infinite wisdom, is giving me the chance that I have been wishing for. He is giving me the chance to experience the pain of labor and delivery that I had previously missed out on.  I’m not actually pregnant with a child again, so I won’t be experiencing labor and delivery in the literal sense.   However, I do believe that God wants me to actively participate in process of pushing thorough the labor pains and metaphorically birth my dream into existence.    

Right now, if I had to describe my life in a couple of words I would probably hang a sign on it that says, “UNDER CONSTRUCTION”.  I feel like my life is a twisted, messed up ball of tangled yarn.  I feel like my vision is impaired by smoke, I can’t see a clear path in front of me.  I’m learning to walk completely by faith and not by sight.  This is much harder to do than it sounds, because everywhere I turn there is the threat of loss, uncertainty, and a looming forecast of pain brought about by fear.  My job is uncertain, which causes fear of financial insecurity, the dynamics with my close friends and family are changing drastically, some of them may leave my life altogether, this also causes me to feel  the fear of isolation and loneliness.  Lately I’ve been feeling like it’s just me against the world.  For the past several weeks, I’ve dreaded waking up in the morning; I’ve wanted to avoid all contact with the outside world.  It seems that I had let panic and fear become a regular part of my daily routine.  Somehow I had allowed “the enemy” to steal my peace.  And when you give him your peace, you also give him your power.  All of our creative talents live in our soul, and if your soul is not at peace, then we cannot be the creative productive individuals that God put us here to be. 

The adversary that we face every day is very cunning and he is excellent at creating illusions in order to distract us.  He will consistently whisper lies to us and distort the truth in our minds in order to create, fear, and panic and anxiety in our heads.  We become preoccupied with thoughts of worry, thereby destroying any creative thoughts that would eventually bring about productivity and success in our lives.   The bible doesn’t call him “The Arthur of Confusion” for nothing.   His job is to stir chaos in our lives, be it real or imagined.  And although he is persistent, unlike humans, he is not very creative, and most times he doesn’t have to be.   He likes using tactics that have proven to work against us in the past.  And for me, what I’ve suddenly come to realize, through the help of the Holy Spirit, is that one of the easiest ways to get me to stop working, is to get me to start worrying.   

It seems that as soon my life starts to get hard, uncomfortable or painful, if I can’t see the my way through a trial, the way around an obstacle, or figure out a solution to a problem, history shows that I’ve stopped pushing in the middle of the birthing process and subsequently aborted my dream.  But at the beginning of this year, I asked God to help me to become better and go to a higher level in every area of my life.  Remember what I said earlier about being careful about what you ask for?  Because what I’m starting to learn about God is that He rarely gives us what we ask Him for in the obvious form.  For instance, if we ask for an apple, God will give you an apple seed.  If we for money, He gives us a job, and if we ask for more patience He will put you around a person who will try your last nerve.  And for me, He knew that if I ever was going to rise to a higher level in any area of my life, if I wanted to ever see any of the dreams that I have inside of me become a reality, I was going to have to develop more character in the area of persevering through the pain.  I was going to have to learn to stick it out even when things around me are swirling around like a tornado and I feel like I’m in the eye of the storm.  I would have to learn to resolve to stay, even when I didn’t see a way out or an immediate solution.  I believe that God wanted me to decide to trust Him and follow His direction; whether it meant leaving a comfortable place that I was content to stay in or remaining in an uncomfortable situation when all I wanted to do is run away.

During the birthing process, the doctor will tell the soon to be mother to find an object in the room that represents something positive for her and focus on that during the times when she is asked to push, which is the hardest and most painful part of the delivery.  And the closer she gets to the birth, the harder it becomes.  What I have come to believe is this; God doesn’t just want us to persistently push through the pain, He also wants us to use Him, as a focal point. He wants us to focus on Him, and how big He is and not how great our circumstances are.  If we magnify Him and not our problems we won’t become distracted by the pain of our situation and give up prematurely on our dreams.

So for me, I’ve decided to strap in, bear down, take deep breathes, focus on Him, squeeze His hand and push through the pain of labor and deliver the dreams that are inside of me.

THE ROAD TO YOUR NEXT LEVEL OF INCREASE

I believe that there comes a point in our lives when God will call us and ask us to do more or be better than we are today.  God will ask us to step it up a notch, in order to take us to the next level of increase in any given area of our lives.  For me I am finding that whenever God ask this of me, it’s usually because I have first asked something of Him.  This actually is the case and happens to be the case currently in my life. 

At the beginning of this year I asked God to do some pretty tremendous things for me.  These things would ultimately promote me in every area of my life.  When God moves for me in these areas, everything in my life will be better.  I would be more productive and effective on my job, which would allow me to make more money, and also allow me to afford more choices for myself, and my family.  I would be enabled to help those people that I come into contact with that might be in need of financial assistance.  I would also be able to work on my personal career path and goals, as well as the organizational projects that God has put on my heart to develop.  When God actualizes my requests, I will be in better health and have more energy to act and to function in my purpose, overall I would be a much happier, stronger, more effective individual, enabled to live a greater quality of life.

When I asked God for these things I had no doubt in my mind that He could give them to me.  Really, in my mind as far as I was concerned, it was already a done deal.  After all that is what it says in (MARK 11:23) that whatever we believe in our heart and confess with our mouth without doubting, God will grant to us.   But then I started to feel some prompting from the Holy Spirit that God was starting to ask some things of me as well.   It started to become very clear to me; God had put it on my heart that He needed me to make some changes to my life in return.  Suddenly I realized that there might be more required of me in order to start achieving some of my more long range and therefore more challenging goals that I had set for myself and that I asked God to help me to achieve.  Amazingly enough, I had not even considered the possibility  that I might need to make some sacrifices on my end as well, and frankly it was more than I had initially bargained for.  But you know what they say, be very careful what ask for because you just might get it, and it usually it costs you much more than you ever planned to spend.

It’s also has been said that to whom much is given, much is expected.  And it had become apparent that God wanted me to make some immediate sacrifices in some areas of my life that would impact me in a seriously heavy way.  And it turns out that the areas of my life He was asking me to make sacrifices in were the exact same areas that I had asked Him to bless.   What a coincidence, right???? And I say that with much sarcasm in my voice, because even if I believed in coincidence, which I do not, I wouldn’t have believed that this was a coincidence.   As usual, God had a plan.  He was using these dreams of mine as incentive for me to work in order to help me develop spiritually, mentally, physically and intellectually.  I have to say, what I really find to be funny is God’s sense of humor though.  Because when I realized what He was doing, I remember saying to Him as I sat on my couch in my morning time of mediation with Him, “God I guess it just couldn’t be that easy could it?” And I could hear Him responding to me and saying, “Now Cherie you know me better than that by now don’t you? You know that in order for me to bless you by taking you to next level in all these areas of your life, you had to do the work, put the time in in order to grow stronger.   You must acquire the strength and maturity needed to maintain the level of blessings you are asking for.  It would be far too painful for you to reach such heights and not be able to handle it and to hold on to it.  And Without the discipline and maturity you get from learning and working through challenges, you may never achieve that.”

An example of this would be giving a large amount of money to a person with absolutely no experience handling money.  Let’s say that just for a moment, imagine that your 10 year old son won a million dollars in the lottery.  And as his parent you gave him the freedom to spend it as he saw fit.  He would probably bring home thousands of dollars of candy and toys.  He would spend money hanging out with his friends at amusement parks and other recreational places.  He might even try to buy the amusement park itself, who knows.  But you get where I’m going with this, a 10 year old doesn’t have the maturity needed to think about such things as planning and budgeting his money for the future.  A 10 year old doesn’t think about investing, he doesn’t have the life experience or the financial experience to even know that he needs to do these things.  If you gave a 10 year old a million dollars, no doubt, it would probably be gone in one month or less.  So in order to protect him from himself, as a parent we would hold it for him in a trust perhaps, or someplace secure, until he was mentally, and emotionally capable of taking care of it for himself.  As an act of love from a parent to a child we sometimes need to withhold certain things, even blessings, from our children, until they are able to handle them, and to protect them from themselves.  And as the ultimate loving, caring, omnipotent parent He is, God does the same for us.

Up until the point that the Holy Spirit laid these changes that God wanted me to make on my heart, I thought I understood what actions I needed to take in order to move forward with my dreams.  I thought I thoroughly knew what would be required of me, but what I was thinking was just the tip of the iceberg.  It seemed that everyday God revealed more and more of His will for me to me.  Layer by layer, He showed me the changes that I would need to initiate in order to reach the next level of goals in my life. And the more I learned the more I understood the meaning of the passage in the bible that states, “But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it.” (MATTHEW 7:14). For me what stood out in that passage was that the road that leads to God, His choices and His purpose for our lives was indeed a narrow and sometimes a lonely one.  I also now understand why it is called” The Road Less Traveled”.  This road is traveled less because it is a much harder road to navigate, filled with decisions that are not always easy, fun or popular to make. There is no doubt in my mind now that it is the harder road, because it is inevitable that you will come to a place on this road where you will have to leave old habits and behaviors behind.  You will have to leave the baggage of unforgiveness, hatred, bitterness, enviousness and resentment.   And sometimes you will encounter pain, loneliness and heartache on this road, because not everyone is meant to travel on this road with you.  Unfortunately you will have to leave some loved ones, old friends and acquaintances behind.  This is not a road that is meant for the masses. 

So when God asked me to give up a few things, and to change some things about my life and my lifestyle; people, places and things that I knew I should have probably given up a long time ago anyway.  I made up my mind and I decided to say “Yes, yes Lord yes.  Because in this life we will all have pain, some of that pain is brought on by the fear of change and fear of the unknown.  Change is a part of life, a part of life that will surely come, that is a promise you can bank on, no matter who you are.  The only constant in life is change.  But growth is a choice, and as far as I’m concerned if I’ve got to experience the pain, I might as well benefit from it.  And as for me I would rather accept the pain of the circumstances set before me by God, knowing that I am under the awning of His tender loving care and protection, than the consequences I suffer from making my own foolish choices and mistakes.   I also know that this is a temporary pain and I will only feel it while I’m actually in the midst of going through those changes, challenges or setbacks.  But living with the pain of the regret, the pain of not accepting the challenges that God presents to me, in order to help me to grow into the person He has designed me to be, this type of pain last for a lifetime, and for me that is simply not acceptable.  I have learned that the benefits of doing things God’s way far outweighs the type of pain that comes from a lifetime of regret.

But if all of this sounds like way too much work for you to deal with, or if you are beginning to become apprehensive about merging onto this road or if you’re starting to think that this road may not be for you, don’t worry, there is good news.  The good news is that you do have a choice, and there is an easier road. But as always, nothing is perfect and there are still a few draw backs about this road as well.  For instance, while you will have more people there to travel it with you and to keep you company, it can get pretty crowded, and the traffic jams can be horrific.    The people that travel this road with you can often be described as, mean, cranky, harsh, discontented, jealous, moody, temperamental, gossipy and just plain ole nasty.  What else can they be when they are living in fear and stagnated in their existence?    And if that still doesn’t deter you, and you want to find this so called “Easy Street”, you won’t need directions because it’s not very hard to find.  You can find it by simply following the crowd, I’m quite sure that the majority of the people around you can lead you in the right direction.   But if you’re still having trouble finding it, just stick it in your GPS under its proper name; it’s called “The Road to Mediocrity”.

YOU'VE GOT THE POWER

Today I read a scripture that really touched my spirit very deeply.  Oddly enough it was a scripture that I had never read before.  I was lead to this and of course, presently I am going through a very similar circumstance.   God communicates with me this way frequently, and each time it occurs I am always grateful and amazed that He has time to pay attention to an insignificantly small life as mine, in comparison to all the matters in the world that must require His immediate and full attention.  But the verse I refer to comes from (Acts20: 19-38), but for the purposes of this blog, I will focus on verse 19-24.  The apostle Paul is addressing the Ephesians for the last time before he moves on to the town of Jerusalem and he pours his heart out to them saying, “I have done the Lord’s work humbly and with many tears.   I have endured the trials that came to me from the plots of the Jews.  I never shrank back from telling you what you needed to hear, either publicly or in your homes.   I have but one message for Jews and Greeks alike-the necessity of repenting from sin and turning to God, and of having faith in our Lord Jesus.”

Now for those of you who know anything about Paul, you know that he was by no means a soft man.  His name was Saul previously, and he was the man who used to torture and kill Christians, before being converted in a Christ follower himself.  But it touched me how he openly spoke about the pain, tears and sacrifice he had endured to fulfill the call that God had placed on his life.  He had been incarcerated, beaten and starved, all because he preached the message of turning to God and following in the footsteps of Jesus.  Paul now a reformed Christian was innocent of harming no one.  Since his conversion, the only crime he was guilty of was trying to encourage, teach, strengthen and guide others as he was instructed to do after the death of Christ.  He was just minding his own business, doing his thing, doing what he felt he was called to do.  In essence, he was living out his God given assigned purpose.

 Because he was being obedient to God and following the example that Jesus had set for him, one might think that by doing this, Paul would be protected from any attacks that “The Enemy” might send his way.  Maybe because he was such a great man of God that he might be given a “Hedge of Protection” around him, as was mentioned in the book of Job.  Satan had to ask God to remove it, just so he could attack Job, in the story told in the book written specifically about Job and Satan’s attack on his life.  Well maybe no one else out there thought that, but I know that I surely did.   

I thought that because I, like Paul was minding my own business, living and doing the Lord’s assigned bidding on my life, and because I was praying, trusting, believing, acting, speaking in faith and trying as hard as possible to love, help and encourage people around me, that I would somehow be protected or exempt from being attacked by the enemy and the people he had recruited as his little helpers to assist him in his plot against me.  But also like Paul, amazingly, and unfortunately, I was not.   And how do I know that Paul was not exempt from the attacks of The Enemy?  Because he goes on to say in the next verse of Acts 20: 22, “And now I am bound by the Spirit to go to Jerusalem.  I don’t know what awaits me, except that the Holy Spirit tells me in city after city that jail and suffering lay ahead.  But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned to me by the Lord Jesus-the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God.”

  Now that is truly amazing to me, talk about bravery and unwavering commitment.   Paul knew well what lie ahead for him, more of the same pain and torture he had already endured at the cost of his cause.  How many of us could say the same? That we would knowingly suffer the agonizing circumstances that awaited Paul, the gruesome circumstances that he knew he would soon be encountering and choose to move forward and do it anyway.  How many of us could say that they would knowingly suffer this type of life for the sake of our beliefs, our religion, our God or any other cause for that matter?  Heck, I don’t even go the dentist if I know in advance that it will be a painful procedure and that it might hurt too much.  But what is even more amazing to me is that not only did Paul know that he would be jailed and tortured, he also knew that some where in the near future  he might  also be asked to give his very life for his cause, because he told the Ephesians that this would be his last time seeing them.

I’m glad that I was lead to read this verse because I needed to be reminded that Paul, one of the greatest, most faithful disciples of Jesus, and for that matter, not even Jesus himself was exempt against the attacks of The Enemy”.  So why in the world would I think that I would be any different?  There is no one in history whose sacrifice was as great as Jesus’ sacrifice for us. 

I’ve always been told that when you’re on the right path, doing what God has called you to do, are when you are getting very close to a huge breakthrough in your assigned mission, is the time when the enemy attacks you the most.  Because after all if you are doing nothing and helping no one and just existing, you are not posing any threat to him at all, so why bother with you, he can just leave you alone to destroy yourself, because as it says in scripture, “Without out a vision the people perish.”  Just knowing that I am on the path to my purpose gives me solace, hope and strength to fight every day and to keep on fighting the fight ahead. I also know that it is a blessing to go through an affliction and come out victorious on the other side.  God allows us to go through certain experiences so that we can tell others about what we went through and which gives them hope that they too will get through what they are going through as well.   Our experiences make us valuable and usable for God in the real world.   Our experiences allow us to be able to relate to others in a very practical, empathetic way.  But one of the biggest advantages I get from going through hard times is that I grow to a stronger and higher level of faith, love and gratitude for God.  Because each time I go through difficult or painful circumstances and I get through it, I lam reassured that He will never leave me or forsake me.  I have total peace in knowing that MY GOD HAS GOT MY BACK!

  I also get comfort in knowing that I have weapons to fight Satan back with. Living a life of love and faith are tremendous weapons and Satan hates those.  But the one weapon I know that he always flees from and that he has no power against is The Word of God.  I am learning to use God’s word by saying it out loud when Satan attacks me to strengthen myself and send Satan on his way.  After all, Proverbs 18:21 says that “DEATH AND LIFE ARE IN THE POWER OF THE TONGUE.”  Even Satan knows the truth when he hears it and he also knows the remarkable power it holds.  When we learn to use our Weapons of Warfare in real life situations instead of just reading about what happened to the people in the bible and recite the scriptures, we are actually allowing ourselves to be used to effectuate change in the world around us?  We have to have gone through the experience and be able to relate it to others in order to help people.  No one wants a doctor whose has never done a surgery before to be the doctor performing their surgery.  And even though no one wants to experience trials and hardships, those are the times when we grow the most and become the people that we were meant to be.  These are also the times that we learn to trust and lean on God the most.  As long as we are alive and on this earth we will always have trouble.  But it’s what you choose to do in that time that determines who you are and your level of success or failure when you come through it. Now that you know that you actually have the power to inflict some damage on Satan, will you choose to use that power against him?  Or will you just stand still, do nothing and let him bully you, hurt and torture you, derail you from God’s plan for your life and rob you of your blessings and happiness?   I can’t answer for anyone but myself, and I know what has proven to work for me.  I open my mouth and use the words of scripture to defend myself and for me it has proven to have unbelievable power to miraculously turn things around in my life.

So for me, what I try to hold on to when Satan starts to pull out his heavy artillery against me is this; yes, occasionally he may knock me down, but with God’s help I will always get up.  The more I practice using my weapons of warfare the better I will become at using them.  And who knows maybe the next time “the enemy” is looking for someone to pick on, he will think twice before he chooses me.

TURNING SETBACKS INTO SEEDS

One of the most basic laws of the universe stems from a fundamental principal in which the entire Bible is based upon.  That is The Law of Reaping and Sowing.   Most of us are familiar with it in one way or another.  There are lots of different versions of this principal, you may have heard some of them, for instance; “What goes around comes around.”  “You will only get out of something as much as you put into in”, or even “Charmer is a _ fill in the blank)”.  But the easiest way to remember it is that “YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.” Simple enough right?  All these familiar ancedotes that are rooted in the biblical principals of "Reaping and Sowing, which are based on the laws of planting seeds and reaping the harvest of whatever types of seeds you have planted. 

Seeds come in many forms.  There is of course is a Financial Seed, some of us may call it a tithe or an offering.  And for those of us that practice some type of religion on a regular basis know that generally, this seed is first be planted in the chruch, or given back to God, as it is stated in" The Word".  This is one of the most debated and controversial topics in the Bible, and no matter where you plant it or what you do with it, Money is still a Seed that is meant to be planted or invested someplace. More on this later.

Then next type of seed is the Seed of Words.  I believe that the seeds that we speak are extremely potent and powerful weapons.   It is also written in scripture many many times over how important and powerful the words of our tongues are.  (Proverbs 18:21) “The tongue has the power of life and death.”  (Proverbs 13:2)  “From the fruit of his lips a man enjoys good things.”  (Matthew 21:21) Jesus said if you say to this mountain move from here to there, it will move.”  Jesus didn’t say think it, He said say it for a reason. There is so much emphasis put on the words that we speak in scripture because of the power that they hold in our lives.  Anyone who knows me knows that one of the things that I always say is, “Don’t put it out there.”  What I’m really saying is, if you don’t want it to happen, then why dig the hole and plant the seed for it.  There is one thing that I know is that our life follows our thoughts, and our words are the products of our thoughts. 

Another type of seed is the Seed of our Work, Toil or even our Deeds.  This could be more easily translated by saying these are the seeds of what we do, how we live our lives.  This can apply to how well we do our job, the effort we put into it and the attitude we have when we are doing it. It can also apply to how we treat the people we come into contact with, that would include everyone from our coworkers, to the strangers that we meet in line at the bank, and even to how we treat our family members.  It also applies to our own lifestyle and personal habits. For instance do you eat right and go the gym at least a few times a week or do you eat fast food and sit watching TV several hours a day. In (Deuteronomy 16:15) it says that “God will bless you in all your harvest and in all the work of your hands”.  But in order for God to bless the work of your hands, you have to do something for God to bless.  Another way to look at it is the efforts that we put into something, is planting a seed for God to bless and grow it for us. 

But the final seed that I want to speak of is the Seed of a Setback.  This is a seed that can be planted in a situation where you have experienced a disappointment, painful loss or are experiencing regrets.  Maybe you lost a job or even experienced the death of a loved one or went through a divorce.  Perhaps despite your best intentions you made a decision that didn’t have a positive outcome and you just can’t seem to shake the feelings of regret.  This is the best time to give these circumstances away as an offering to God.   Name  thec circumstance as a seed, tell God what your expectations are for the seed, and then  plant it by giving it away to Him.  Then let it go, trusting  Him to manifest your return on it.  Giving my disappointments and losses away to God and planting them as seeds are a relatively new concept for me.  But in the short time since I’ve learned it and implemented it, it has helped me to forgive others and myself and move through my disappointments, setbacks and  events that I don’t understand, so much faster than I ever could before in the past.  But there have also been other remarkable benefits that have occurred or me as well.

I had a situation occur on my job where I had worked really hard at getting this new customer and bringing their account to our company.  Do to some office politics I had to give it away to a coworker who had nothing to do with obtaining this account.  And to make matters worse, this is the same coworker who had started untrue rumors and spread gossip about me. If you follow my blog, you know that she had been trying to make my life hell since I started working there.  And now to make matters worse, she had nothing to do with this sale I made and now I had to give it away to her.  But there was a point where I had an opportunity to make a decision.  Sould I give the account to her or “fix it” so that no one ever knew that I had gotten the account at all. Therefore she would not get it, make commission on it or receive any credit for it?  I asked God what to do, and He was like, “ Come on you know what to do, you know right from wrong, it’s your decision to choose to do the right thing or not.”  So even though I literally had an adult temper tantrum, kicking, screaming, tears a streamin’ on my bedroom floor.  I swallowed my own will and did God’s will instead.  Although it still didn’t hurt any less just because I knew it was the right thing to do.  So I practiced this new type of seed that I had just learned about.  I named that seed, I told God that since I had just lost a 20 account deals, this account was worth about $30,000. I offered it as a seed to Him and expecting a 100 fold return on it.  I’m expecting to harvest a return of accounts before the end of the year that will total at least $20 million dollars.  I planted that seed on a Monday and by Friday I had acquired another account worth $330,000 towards my $20 million dollar goal.  But the most interesting part of this story is that the account that I received came to me from that same coworker that I had to give my $30,000 dollar account to.  She was forced by the owners of the company to give it to me. 

God said in (Acts 2:35) “He would make your enemies your footstool.  (Psalm 23:5) “He also said that he would prepare a table in the presence of our enemies.” 

  I have seen times of tremendous growth, favor and blessings since learning and applying these principals to my life.  That is certainly not to say that I’ve never had hard times or financial difficultly, but somehow God always showed up for me and made a way.  Sometimes He did things for me that were nothing short of a miracle.  There was one year when I was promoted three times, and my salary actually tripled as well.  Some may say its coincidence; well I don’t believe in coincidence, I do however believe in The Laws of Seedtime and Harvest.   But to the Naysayers I say try the Principal of Reaping and Sowing and see what happens for you.   After all God even says in (Malachi 3:10) “Test me in this.”  Also I do have the benefit of having experienced both sides of this coin, so I can also say that the opposite is true as well.  For the most part I’ve been a tither my entire adult life, but there was this one period in my life when I decided that I simply was not going to continue wasting my money tithing or giving offerings to church anymore. I was bitter and angry about many things in my life at the time, and I blamed God.  To this day, that was the worse year of my life, in terms of my finances. I had actually lost two jobs that year, had to move out of my house and went through all of my savings, down to my very last penny.  But in time I realized that where I was in my life at that point was a direct result of my own doing.   I repented, came to my senses and in the span of a single 24 hour period, God in His infinite mercy and love,  took me from poverty to prosperity.  I went from having nothing in my bank account to having a huge commission deposited into my account, and I was also offered a new job the following week. From that point on I promised God that I would never rob Him again by mistaking what was clearly His and comingling it with mine. 

What I have found is that God loves us so much that He has implemented a process where we can benefit and profit not just from our triumphs, but even the worse situations in our lives.  All He asks is that we first plant a seed,  then water it with prayers of faith, and give it the sunshine of joyful expectation, and last but not least, give it over to God to do the hard work of actually growing your crops. And one day if you are faithful, you will find that you can eat of the fruit of your long anticipated harvest.

PUT DOWN YOUR BUTTER KNIFE AND GET OUT OF MY WAY

It’s no secret that I have been facing some challenges with a co-worker, and from the very beginning, I knew that this was a situation that belonged to God.  I knew that this particular challenge was coming straight from the enemy.   I was constantly being attacked and slandered; my good name was being dragged through the mud for no apparent reason, at least no reason that was apparent to me. But there is always a reason is there, even if we don’t know what it is.  Although most times the reasons that people choose to target another person for acts like bullying, harmful rumors and lies or unsolicited schemes and attacks, usually goes back a lot further than before the targets of their attacks ever showed up on the scene.  But in this case let’s just say the perpetrator was angry with herself, but decided it would be much easier to take it out on me than to face up to her own demons.  And as a result she has been trying to do as much harm to me as possible,  as often as she possibly could in order to take her mind off of her disappointment in herself and to keep busy by creating an imaginary enemy, which in her mind, I guess would be me.

  But as I stated previously, from the beginning of the whole situation, I decided that I would have to let God handle it, because if I start to handle it my way, it would be an uglier situation than it already was and would not turn out well at all.  I also knew that although I had been experiencing some challenges where I was presently, that I was still in exactly the right place, the place where God wanted me to be.  I believe that God had put me here in order to help me to mature and develop some areas of weakness in my character.  I know for sure that I’ve got some issues with impatience, controlling my emotions and letting go of being reliant on only myself for solutions to my problems and not seeking God’s counsel.   But with each passing day God has proven to me over and over again, that He is in control.  Every step that I have taken since God placed me there has been covered with protection,  and unexplainable favor, including how I got there in there first place.   And with each victory I would praise God and become more and more assured with confidence in our relationship and my trust in Him.  I also grew stronger in my faith, love and more intimately connected to Him as well.

But one thing I’ve also begun to realize during this time is how angry and uncomfortable this made The Enemy.  I believe that he got a sense that he was losing this battle because he started to pull out his big guns against me.  I’ve heard it said that you should never let yourself get too hungry, tired, too lonely or stressed out because you are at most vulnerable to attacks by the enemy at these times.  And as for women, we might also want to add, watch out for those times when you are feeling hormonal.  Because I know for sure that there was one day last week, at exactly the right moment when I was suffering from all of those things. I believe what Peter says in scripture; (1 Peter 5:8) “Stay alert, watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He is like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”   I know this to be true first hand because I believe that at exactly the right time he employed my co-worker to send an email to me and my boss that hit exactly the right nerve, and I had an explosive knee jerk reaction.  I wish I could say that it was only that one slip of the tongue and pen (in email form to my boss and the owners of the company), but sadly, it was not. 

The incident that I speak of happened on a Thursday, but I went on and on, over and over it Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  Not only did I snap at my family, but I incessantly yammered on about the event, and replayed the scenario over and over again for all of my friends, in blow by blow detail.  I was like one of those crazy women that you see on the subway talking to themselves.  I drove everyone I came into contact with totally crazy.  I talked about my situation over dinner with friends, I talked about it at the movies, I talked about it while watching TV, clearly I was a woman obsessed.   Thank goodness, it wasn’t long before I realized it and not a moment too soon, because by then I couldn’t stand to hear my own voice, I couldn’t even stand to be around myself anymore, I was even driving myself crazy.   I was also starting to feel this enormous sense of burden that weighed down my entire spirit, the more I thought about it the angrier I got,  and the angrier I got, the more I stressed and obsessed over it.  It was at this point that I knew that I needed to spend some serious alone time with God. 

So first thing Sunday morning that is exactly what I did.  The only problem was that I didn’t really get to have the quality time that I needed to hear from God and to get some sense of resolution about the situation.  And as a result I went to work the next day feeling that this dark, heavy cloud of negativity and pessimism was hanging over my head and following me around.   I’m sure that everyone I came into contact with must have felt it as well, because my productivity that day was the lowest it’s ever been, my whole day totally sucked.  I worked harder than I ever have on this job, with absolutely nothing to show for it. 

Again I was feeling angry, tired, stressed and disappointed, and as I said previously, you know who was watching and waiting for just the right moment to pounce.  And pounce he did, I was sucker punched by another incident initiated by my coworker’s little helper, and yet again, I had another knee jerk reaction.  You would think that I would have learned my lesson, but apparently I didn’t because I sent out  another bone headed angry, crazy lady email that sent my boss and the owners of the company into a frenzy.  It also made me look paranoid and totally incredible. 

It was at this moment, but only after my boss reamed me and sliced me apart that I realized that I had just been played by the enemy like a fiddle.  It was also at this moment that I had finally gotten tired of being played like “Boo-Boo La Foo” (A.K.A an idiot).  I was tired of being a victim of his schemes and reacting exactly the way he wanted me to, I was tired of feeling like a casualty of war, oh no it was on now.  Somehow it clicked; I finally realized that I was at war.  And I may have lost the last few battles, but now that I knew better, and with God on my side, I would not lose the war. Again, just like it says in scripture; “For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil ... Because your fight has not been with flesh and blood, but with Principalities…” (Ephesians 6:12). So I also realized that I was going to have to fight fire with fire, I  knew that I was going to have to shut out the world and spend some serious one on one time with God, just He and I.

So I prayed about it, read the word, mediated on it, and asked for guidance to help me figure out how I got off on the wrong path.  And the more I searched scripture and the more I prayed and listened, I kept getting the same answer, basically to summarize it, it went something like this, “Well you started off on the right track, you said that no matter what you were going to trust me to fight your battles for you this time.  You said that since it was Me, God that put you here in this place, and you being an all knowing God, must have known that all these things would occur, and still you wanted me here in this place, that you obviously had a plan to get me through it.” But then you let your emotions control you and push you into doing things that I had nothing to do with. You picked up your own weapons and started fighting your own battle. But remember, the battle is not yours, it’s mine! The weapons that you are using are insufficient for this fight.  Compared to the weapons I will use, it’s like you have brought a butter knife to a gun fight.  SO PUT DOWN YOUR SCRAWNLY LITTLE BUTTER KNIFE AND GET OUT OF MY WAY.”  I heard the Holy Spirit say to me.

No matter how large my weapons may be, they are small and insignificant in comparison to any weapon that God might possess in His arsenal to fight my battles.  Now I knew that I needed to place my minuscule weapons on the ground and get behind God like a shield, and let Him pick up where He left off when I was letting Him fight my battle for me.  Basically, all I really needed to do was to just get out of His way so that He could do His thing, He never needed my help.

  I woke up the next morning with a sense of peace and surrender about this situation that I hadn’t felt previously.  And wouldn’t you know it, I went to work that day and ran across those same coworkers, and of course, they were up to their same old petty tricks.  But amazingly, I wasn’t angry or upset with them, I didn’t feel any anger or animosity towards them at all, it was weird, like I was just meeting them for the first time, like we had no past between us at all.  I was truly filled with a peace that passed all understanding.   They had not changed; they were still the same old characters that they were before.  But this time their plans didn’t work against me because I was different.  I had reconnected to my place of peace, and let me tell you that there is phenomenal power in peace.  But I was also cognizant of what I was dealing with, I recognized that my coworkers were not really my opponents, the Enemy was.   I also now knew what weapons I needed to fight this war I was in.   I finally understood that my strongest weapon would be to keep my eyes forward on my goals in front of me, to keep my peace, stay in control of my emotions and look upward to God, knowing that He is still in control and even though I may not be able to see it, I know that He is fighting my battles for me even as I write this.