PEOPLE WHO FIT-DON'T SEEK!

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”- MATTHEW 7:7 and ISAIAH 8:11-The Lord has given me a strong warning not to think like everyone else does.”

Yesterday I heard a phrase that was confirmation of an answer to a question that I asked God a few months ago.  T. D Jakes said, “People who fit, don’t seek.”  When I heard that, it was like a light went on in my head.  For me this quote from Bishop Jakes served as confirmation to a question that I’ve asked of God over and over again, in my life.

 Ever since I was a little girl I’ve always felt different.  I’ve never really fit into any group very well; I’ve always felt like the odd man out.  Even in my own family I stood out as the black sheep, my father used to describe me as the weird or the strange one.  I like to think of myself as artsy or special, luckily I decided early on to embrace my differences, to become a leader and not a follower.  I decided not to blend on purpose; as a teenager I refused to buy clothes from the stores that the other girls were shopping at.  I chose instead to make my own or went to shop at a second hand store, or I just altered the clothes that I bought so that they were one of kind, to ensure that I wouldn’t see anyone else wearing them.  I also chose to express my individuality in other ways.  I’ve always love to write and in high school I started an underground newspaper and wrote about issues happening in our school that disturbed me.  I went to a conservative, private school and I knew that if the authorities ever found out who was responsible for writing and distributing the “contraband” as they called it, they would be immediately expelled.  But I and the other writers chose to continue writing and expressing our thoughts regardless of the circumstances.  There were lots of students who knew who we were and saw us as weird and different, and they treated us as such.  We weren’t exactly popular, and it didn’t always feel good being different from everyone around us.  

Even as an adult I never did fit in very well anyplace, up until recently, probably the last 5 years of my life I would say, I struggled to find a comfortable place to settle down.   It seemed like I would find a group of friends, and connect to people I thought would be in my life forever, and something would happen and slowly, for one reason or another, we would all go our separate ways.  Someone would move away, or have another baby and not have the time to put into the relationship like they did in the past or we would simply outgrow each other and move on with our lives.  That was always hardest for me to accept, I didn’t understand why the people I had grown to love and depend on had to leave my life, why I couldn’t seem to develop a sense of permanence in my friendships.  I did have, and still do have friends in my life that I’ve had for many years, some have been around since I was a little girl.  But we don’t stay in touch on a regular basis like we once did; as a result we have drifted emotionally away from one another. 

And my career path has been a roller coaster ride, and that would be saying the least.  Finding a job that suited my somewhat quirky personality hasn’t been easy at all.  I would get into a job and I would either not fit well into a certain group, the boss and I didn’t exactly see eye to eye, the hours didn’t work for my family structure, the pay wasn’t what I needed for my budget, or perhaps I was just not right to perform the basic duties of the job itself.  And then there were times when I loved the job and felt perfect for it.  I loved everything about it, I finally felt like I had arrived, this was it, I could finally kick back and settle down.  And then, something would happen, the company would move to Alaska, or close down or my favorite reason of all, they would have to downsize. 

But whatever the case, after reviewing the circumstances of my life whether it was in my personal with my relationships, my career, or even the places that I’ve lived in.  I couldn’t even live in one place very long when something would occur where I had to pick up my kids and our entire lives and move once again.  My children always said that moving “again” was the one thing they were hated the most about their childhood.  It seems as though I’ve spent my whole life constantly searching for something else, something better, something bigger than the life that I was living.  I didn’t even know exactly what that was, or what path I needed to be on to find it. But for some reason, I’ve always felt way deep down in my spirit, in my soul that there was a life that was bigger and better, a life that I was meant to be living, but was not.   And I was always in hot pursuit of the answers, the solution to how I was going to find the path to living that life.  But the one thing that I knew for sure was that I could find the answers that I was looking for by going to God. 

Recently, I found myself in the throes of ending a relationship with someone that I had grown close to, while simultaneously being put in the all too familiar circumstance of having to leave a job due to budget cuts.  I thought this person would be in my life forever and I also thought that I would be working on this particular job for many years, but lost it after only being there for 3  short months.  Needless to say, I was feeling frustrated and confused, so I went to my source, who for me is God, and I asked him this question, “Why is it that I can never get to a place, a job, a relationship and just get settled?  Why can’t I ever just get to a place where I feel like I’m finally there, where I feel comfortable, the place where I fit in?”  And almost immediately God answered me.  He said, “I don’t want you to settle, because you are not there yet.”  

Settle for me in my mind meant a place of comfort. But I believe that God was saying he didn’t want me to settle; to conclude my journey, to take up a place of permanent residency, to resolve my life definetly and conclusively because I had not yet accomplished what He has put me here to do.  And He doesn’t want any of us to stop, to fall short or settle for anything less than his intended purpose for our lives.  He wants the best for us, and if we stop pursuing our goals and dreams too quickly and settle, we will never experience the best for our lives. 

I’m not saying that we are not supposed to be grateful, and thankful for the gifts and blessings that God has given us.  The bible says that we should praise God and be thankful in ALL things.  Paul also said that He has learned to be content in ALL situations, whether he had money or not, in jail or free.”   No matter what our level of blessings we should be thankful and we should strive to hold on to our peace no matter what our outward circumstances look like.  But I don’t believe that means that we are supposed to become complacent and stop searching, seeking and trying to improve our lives and the lives of those around us. 

God has put down on the inside of us; the seekers; those of us who possess this insatiable craving for something better.  This feeling is not always easy or comfortable to live with; it comes with lots of headaches and many sleepless nights.  But without it we wouldn’t have the inventors, the artist, the scholars, the writers or the visionaries who have contributed so much to our world simply by asking, “What if I could make or do this better?”  I believe that when Bishop Jakes said, “Those who fit, don’t seek,” he was simply saying this. When we are satisfied with the status quoi or we fit in perfectly with the world or the community around us, there is nothing that urges us to seek something better.    There are two particular quotes from scripture that come to mind for me; “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”- MATTHEW 7:7 and ISAIAH 8:11-The Lord has given me a strong warning not to think like everyone else does.”

 I find peace in understanding that God places people in our lives for a reason or a season.  And that every job that I’ve had in the past and even the one that I have now, is not “The Place”, it’s simply a vehicle to “The Place”.  God uses every single situation in our lives for us to develop a skill or have certain experiences that we will later use as tools when we finally do arrive at “The Place” in our lives.  Today I no longer look at being different and this feeling of never being settled as a negative thing. I finally understand that  God has strategically placed this persistent passion inside of me  with the intentions of moving me forward and helping me to accomplish my purpose, and to me I no longer see it as a curse, I see it as an honor and a blessing.